I had been putting off writing for the day when I had ‘it’ all sorted, the day when I would feel no angst, no fear, no worry or doubt. That magical day when ‘it’, life was all okay, that I was okay and then I would be ready to write, to share, to action the inner force to get it out on paper.
I became aware of an interesting dynamic though, every time I started to feel like I, it was all coming together something else would happen and it felt like I was right back at the beginning, amongst the mess and insecurity of my life. I realised that if I wait for that magical day, I may never write.
And there is the first note to self, life is not about having it all sorted, life can’t be planned, controlled and organised according to what we wish.
Life. Happens. Whether we are consciously engaged in it or a passive bystander.
The waiting is the action of the passive bystander. Waiting for that perfect moment, waiting for the other to change, waiting for more, waiting for less, waiting for what exactly? Conscious engagement is choosing to step up and into life.
Choosing to be the active participant, choosing the way you want to engage, the way you want to respond, the way you want to feel, to live. So here I am now, finally getting it out. For I get it now that if I keep waiting for it all to align nicely that which I seek and feel impressed to do may never be given the air to breath, the water to grow and the sun to nourish.